Parenting 101
by Sesshomarusmisery
Summary: Seto and Jou get a school issue plastic baby. Romance and Comedy ensues. Yaoi stink at summaries
1. Just One Of Those Days

Parenting 101

By Sesshomarusmisery

**Disclaimer:** Well, I evidentially don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! because Kazuki Takahashi doesn't really look like Sesshomarusmisery.

**Warnings:** This story contains **shounen-ai** (male homosexuality), **yaoi** (guys going at it with other guys), **harsh language** and **violence**. It's what makes a plot a plot.. for me anyway. If you are offended by such nature, then don't bother flaming me, just click the all-amazing "back" button and leave.. I don't need your pity of my writing.

* * *

Sesshomarusmisery: Welcome back! Here it is, the new… improved Parenting 101! Hope you enjoy! The song inspiration for this was _Break Stuff_ by Limp Bizket

Now, on with the story!

* * *

Key:

"blah" - talking

blah' - individual thoughts

/blah/ - Yugi to Yami mind link

/blah/ - Yami to Yugi mind link

(blah) - Ryou to Bakura mind link

((blah)) - Bakura to Ryou mind link

blah - Malik to Marik mind link

blah - Marik to Malik mind link

* * *

Just One Of Those Days

* * *

He didn't want to be here. It was his bad day.. hell it was his bad week! And if he _doesn't_ shut up, I'll cram my fucking fist in his mouth!' he thought. He sighed and ran a hand through his auburn hair. Ice blue eyes slammed shut as he gripped his temples. The mighty Seto Kaiba had a huge headache that was becoming a migraine. He placed his briefcase on his desk and opened it searching for some headache medicine, to which there was no avail. Some god is _trying_ to make my life a living hell, I know it.'

Seto opened his eyes and blinked a bit as if trying to clear his headache, put on his coldest look and stood up, walking over to the main source of his growing headache.. the puppy. That _thing_ must have radar on him, because as soon as Seto got close enough it turned around and glared at him.

"Whaddaya want, Kaiba!" He was almost blinded by the volume of that question, was the mutt _trying_ to kill him?

"If you wouldn't mind lowering the volume of your annoying barking, or must I get ear plugs you stupid dog." Seto said coldly.

"You can shove those ear plugs up your ass, Kaiba, if anything else will fit up there with all of the shit you've already got crammed in there."

Something deep inside Seto snapped, it must have been the headache, combined with his complete hate for the mutt and the fact that he was having a bad day, because the next thing he realized was his fist connected with Katsuya's jaw. Since when did you actually give him a name!' His inner voice berated him. I must have temporarily lost my grip on myself. ' He answered it.

The dog stumbled back and landed on his ass. Seto could only do his best to suppress a laugh, which ended up in a smirk, though Katsuya did look pretty attractive sitting there, in complete disarray, like a lost puppy. _What_ are you thinking! Attractive! Katsuya! Get a hold of yourself!' His inner voice was practically screaming at him.

After that punch, there were rumors flying through the school, who did what, who said what. Seto just smirked. At his next and favorite class, Home Economics, the teacher announced a project was to be assigned. My day is turning into a good one, got to punch the dog, got to stare at him and now a project that I can finish in two seconds. What could possibly go wrong?'

"And in this project we will be having partners, to make this easier on everyone, I'll just go alphabetically, since we have an even number of students and there are far more boys than girls in our class."

..Shit.' Seto just awaited the impending doom of it all. He'd either be paired up with Jessica Kale, a very ditzy girl who probably has had a round with every guy in the school except yours truly, or Jonouchi. Well, there goes my good day.'

Doing the quick math in his head, Seto realized that Kale would be paired up with Kiril, leaving him with-

"Jonouchi, Katsuya and Seto Kaiba."

..Shit.' The mutt looked just as happy as he did. With an over exaggerated sigh the mongrel got up and sauntered over to Seto's desk.

"All right class, our project is going to be our most exciting, we will be starting our new lesson. Parenting!"

..Shit'

Seto could see a bruise forming where he had punched Jonouchi earlier and he looked so adorable try to scowl at Seto, that Seto wished that he could take away the mark marring his perfect skin. Jonouchi! Adorable! Perfect! Damn it Seto! You're getting soft!'

"Whaddaya starin' at, Kaiba? Wanna make sometin' of my face!" The stupid mutt was talking again, he'd be much more attractive if he just shut up once in a while. Stop thinking the cute shit, it isn't going to work.'

"I think I already have, puppy."

Just then the teacher interrupted what was to be a heated argument by explaining the rules to the childcare, while handing out little plastic babies.

"All right class, you've all been given babies to take care of. You must work together making sure that the child is not neglected. Single parenting or split custody' is not allowed since, one, we don't have enough babies to go around for all of you and, two, all of you need the participation points for this. It cries at loud noises, like yelling, so getting along with your partner is a must. The only way to get it to stop crying is to put a key in it's back. You have these babies for a month, so you'll have to tolerate your partner for that amount of time. I hope you all have fun!"

"Fun my ass." Seto heard Katsuya mutter under his breath.

Seto on the other hand could only get one word through his head.

..Shit.'

* * *

Sesshomarusmisery: Whoo hoo! Prologue is done! Please read and review, the chapters will get longer, this is only the Prologue! Flames will be laughed at and used to power my all mighty "Bad Writing" Machine, thus destroying all good writing in the world! evil laugh ;; R&R! 


	2. Whatever You Are

Parenting 101

Sesshomarusmisery

**Disclaimer:** ..Do I even need to say anything? Well, just so I don't get sued.. which would just give you pocket lint, some string and 37 cents, I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! If I did, then Seto Kaiba would be an angsty person who writes poetry and likes Manson.. evidentially that isn't the case.

**Warning:** This story contains **shounen-ai** (male homosexuality), **yaoi** (guys going at it with other guys), **harsh language** and **violence**. No flaming me, or I'll greatly harm you. If you have issues with any of the topics in **bold**, then go and read a nice G rated piece.

WARNING! WARNING! SEX IN THIS CHAPTER, HETEROSEXUAL SEX! (sorry guys, plot development!) YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

* * *

Sesshomarusmisery: Ok.. chapter 1! Like I promised! Only 3 more chapters before I'm completely updated… and I've already gotten reviews! You guys rock! The song inspiration for this was _Dizzy_ by the Goo Goo Dolls. They happen to be a guilty pleasure.

Well, ON WITH THE STORY! ..ahem.

Answers to reviews:

lifedoesnotalwaysrule: Thank you! I won't give away any spoilers, though, trust me, they're out there.

Angst Princess: ; You apparently know my tendencies. But, I'll have the rewritten story up ASAP so everyone can read the better version. And then… chapter 5.

bakergirl: Thank you… it's exciting, I promise!

Aseret Kitsune: Thank you! Hope you enjoy the rest of it!

* * *

Key:

"blah" - talking

blah' - individual thoughts

/blah/ - Yugi to Yami mind link

/blah/ - Yami to Yugi mind link

(blah) - Ryou to Bakura mind link

((blah)) - Bakura to Ryou mind link

blah - Malik to Marik mind link

blah - Marik to Malik mind link

* * *

Whatever You Are

* * *

"Fuck! Shit! Damn it!" The mongrel shouted after school let out, soon after the plastic baby started crying.

"Would you shut up! It cries if we scream!" Seto whispered pointedly, taking the key and turning the baby off. Damn, a month with the pup. He must be angry with me punching him this morning... Just great.'

"Who fucking gives a shit! I'm stuck with Stick-In-Ass Kaiba for a month!" Katsuya growled out. Seto just rolled his eyes. This is going to be one hell of a month.'

"Who's house are we staying at for the month?" The mutt asked. Not that Seto cared, but he didn't like spending his time at other people's houses.

"Well, if you want, you could stay at my house in the guest room." Right next to my room.' He added silently. No! _Away_ from your room, on the other side of the house!' "Unless you'd _prefer_ if we spent the month at your house."

"_No!_" Katsuya almost shouted. "I-I mean, your house is better." Jonouchi's hiding something from me. But what? Why do I care! Damn it Seto, you're getting too soft for your own good.'

"All right, my house. Get your stuff and arrive at four. It's two-thirty now, giving you more than enough time." Seto stated nonchalantly. He was getting bored, allowing his mind to drift to the golden haired puppy, which was dangerous territory.

"But what about the baby?" Katsuya asked, pointing to the plastic baby still in Seto's arms. Seto sighed. He had completely forgotten about it. I must be such a great parent.' It was crying again and he turned it off. If things were his way, he'd have thrown this thing in the nearest garbage can an hour ago.

"I'll take it, you're probably less than competent to handle it." Seto replied walking off to his awaiting limousine, leaving the mongrel fuming behind him.

Seto checked his watch for the umpteenth time. The mutt was late. Where the hell could he be!' He already made certain his guards let the dog into his mansion, and that he would be informed immediately, but still nothing. That stupid mutt was twenty minutes late. Does he not trust me to have a washing machine! Or is he just taking his sweet time so I have to take care of this metallic crying mass!' Just then, the baby started crying. "_God damn it! Shut the fuck up!_" Now, I'm screaming at plastic!' He thought as he jammed the key into the back of the baby.

"Sir, a young man who says he's Jou' is standing outside. He has blonde hair and is carrying a large suitcase." Seto rolled his eyes. Finally!'

"Let him in." Soon after that command, he heard Katsuya yelling.

"Damn it Kaiba, where the hell _are_ you in this mansion!" Seto walked into the main foyer and spoke coldly,

"Well, if you don't mind lowering your voice, less the chandelier falls down. Follow me, I'll lead you to your room." Which one? The one by the kitchens or my room!' Seto wasn't thinking of where he was going or realizing the fact the Jonouchi was following him and realized he was down the hallway where his bedroom was. Well, that answers my question.'

Seto opened the door to the guest room. Jonouchi was awestruck. Seto thought the room looked rather plain. It had a king sized bed covered with dark green silk sheets, and about ten pillows with the same covering. The walls were painted white with little roses painted on them giving the illusion they were crawling up the wall. The main lighting was a chandelier hanging in the middle of the room with carvings of roses on the glass plates to match the walls. There was an oak vanity by the door and two oak nightstands on either sides of the bed. There were also a few dark green couches and tables with golden lamps throughout the room as well. There were two walk-in closets and one attached bathroom. The bathroom was painted crème color with splashes of a golden-yellow color. It had a shower, a bath and a Jacuzzi all in dark forest green. The bathroom also had a counter with marble sinks installed, the sinks matching the crème color of the walls and the counter top matching the bathtub. Seto cleared his throat, and waited for the mutt to pick up his jaw from off of the floor.

"This will be your home for a month."

Later that evening, Seto knocked on Katsuya's door to see how he was doing. It's being a good host. There are no emotions.' When he didn't hear a response, he quietly opened the door and saw the mutt asleep. He smirked lightly, until he saw giant bruises all along Katsuya's stomach. His eyes widened slightly before putting the blanket over Jou before hearing Jou mutter something.

"..I want the candy bar.." Seto almost laughed.. almost. That dog even _dreams_ about food!'

Slowly he counted to ten in his head before tapping Katsuya lightly on the shoulder. The canine didn't even stir.

"Puppy.. wake up." He spoke sternly. The mutt didn't even flutter an eyelid. Then Seto got an idea. He picked up one of the pillows and smacked the mongrel with it. Katsuya woke up instantaneously.

"What? Where? Huh?" He sputtered out, before realizing where he was and calmed down some.

"Dinner time." Just the thought of food seemed to wake the mongrel up more.

Katsuya seemed to be cramming food into his mouth at an alarming rate, like he hadn't eaten anything in days. Seto, on the other hand, was taking care of the baby and eating a bowl of soup. He looked down at the still half full soup bowl and felt full.

"Do we have ta' feed that ting?" Seto heard Katsuya ask.

"No puppy, but I can configure it to make it have the capabilities of minor speech." Seto stated. When he didn't hear a response from Jonouchi, he lifted his head to see the mutt looking at him with laughter in his eyes.

"So it can call you mommy?" Katsuya laughed. Seto grinned.

"Or… it can call you mommy." The puppy looked at Seto with utter astonishment.

"You're smiling!" He cried, making his half smile grow. Seto tried to suppress his grin, but could still feel the laughter in his eyes.

"In rare moments, yes, I do smile, and even rarer, I laugh." Seto stated matter-of-factly, but his laughing eyes gave him away and Katsuya laughed. If only he knew how beautiful his laughter sounded.' Seto thought and mentally sighed. Just shut up, you don't like him and for the last fucking time, he's _not_ beautiful!' Seto knew he was gay, it occurred when he was fifteen.

She was the most popular girl in Domino High. She was also the most beautiful. She must have had the aura of an angel. Blonde hair that fell softly down to her waist along with crème colored skin and bright green emerald eyes made her any guys dream date. Luckily for Seto, she liked him and wanted to date him, only she was a senior and he was a sophomore. Her name was… H? Hiromi? Hiromi Vasquez! That was her name. Seto _thought_ he felt some emotion toward her, until that day.

"Oh come on Seto, just once, I'll teach you how, I promise." She squealed.

"But… shouldn't that be something you save until you're married?"

"Stop acting like a fucking ten year old and come on!"

"Fine." He sighed. She was leading him into her room and smiling the whole way there. Did she think just because he… to put it blatantly, fucked her, means she gets half of his corporation to own?

"Oh, whoops, I forgot the condoms! Silly me! Now we don't have any protection." That was _exactly_ her plan. For a senior, she is one fucking idiot.'

"Don't worry, I have some. We'll use those." I'm a fifteen year old and they give out free condoms at the nurse, does she expect me _not_ to carry one around?' She looked crestfallen.

"Oh… all right. Come on then." I know I'm going to regret this.'

She moved over and cupped his chin with her hand. She slowly placed her lips to his and kissed him. Seto moved to deepen the kiss, by asking for permission to her mouth with his tongue. He had heard somewhere that when you kiss a person like this, they were supposed to have this magical taste to them, which was so indescribable, like sunshine. Seto tasted nothingness. In fact, what he tasted he didn't like… he hated it. She was running her hands up and down his sides, tickling him, though he didn't laugh, not when kissing Hiromi disgusted him. She moaned and pressed her chest to him.

He broke the kiss for air and figured that Hiromi wanted him to touch her breasts. Why would I want to touch those?' He thought before grabbing one and kneading it. She moaned again. Gods is that noise annoying. If she doesn't shut up, I'll shove my fist in her mouth!' Then, it was back to the torturous kissing. She was becoming sloppier at it, probably becoming more aroused; he'll have to fake an arousal to get past this. He slowly pushed down the strap of her spaghetti strap tank top, soon followed by the other, as she slowly unbuttoned his dress shirt. Soon, the other strap to the tank top followed the first.

He bent his head and suckled her, she moan, loud and annoying. He did the same treatment to the other side, yet again, the loud and annoying moan. He _really_ hoped she was faking it, because if she wasn't he'd never want to have sex with her again. He slowly unzipped her Capri's as she kicked off her high-heeled sandals. She unbuttoned his pants and he kicked off his shoes. He lifted his head from her chest and she in turn got on her knees and proceeded to give him the worst blowjob of his life. She must have eaten something cold, because it felt like his member was in a freezer.. not pleasurable. He thought of other things that would arouse him. That kid in his math class, he was attractive. He had jet black hair and scarily light hazel eyes. The black hair only brought out his eyes more, and vice versa. He was very quiet, but very kind and never hurt anyone's simple emotions. He was tall and muscular, most likely on the football or soccer team. But, unlike the usual stereotype, this boy was very smart. He could understand problems Seto understood. Of course it took him slightly longer to grasp, but not that much longer. Wait… he was having sex, and judging a boy's intelligence at the same time. But he was very handsome. He! _He!_ What the fuck are you _thinking_ Seto!' He screamed at himself, but he didn't care any more. Boy or girl, it got his mind off this hell he had to deal with. He came, thinking of that one boy in math class. She laid him down and he took one of his fingers and pushed them inside her, she was hot, wet and disgusting. Kid in Math class. It's him, not Hiromi. Him.' He removed his fingers. She positioned herself over him before he cleared his throat.

"The condoms." She huffed, but let him up. He reached into his pant pocket and took one out. He wrapped it around his member and walked back to her. It's the kid in Math class. Hiromi is not here. The kid in Math class!'

He entered her. She made a gurgled moan. How disgusting.' Slowly, he reached the hilt, and it felt disgusting. There was too much moisture, way too much moisture. The boy in Math class just got water spilled up there.' That doesn't make any sense.' It doesn't have to make sense! It just distracts me from this hell!' He argued with himself as he started to move in and out of her. He saw the boy's eyes instead of Hiromi's empty blue eyes. The hazel eyes full of love and passion. The hazel eyes he wanted to be gazing into right now, the hazel eyes that reminded him of... the mutt. He picked up his pace deep inside Hiromi, she was moaning insanely. If she didn't stop, he would grab a sock and shove it into her mouth.

She moaned… very, very loud... in his ear. If I'm deaf in that ear, I'll punch her.' He had realized she'd come and thought of the hazel-eyed boy. Cheeks flushed and moaning softly and he whispered Seto's name over and over. Seto growled low in his throat and came. I can't believe I just played out one of my sexual fantasies in my head while fucking this "angel".'

"That was so good, Seto. Gods, I didn't know fifteen year olds could be that skilled." Damn it. She spoke. Destroying his damn sexual fantasy of the boy.

"Yeah. I thought so too." Bull shit.' He lied to her, but didn't care. He still couldn't believe he came over a boy.

Seto and Chihuahua were sitting there talking. A civilized conversation! Who would have thought!

"So, what's ya favorite color?" The mongrel asked him.

"Blue. It reminds me of the ocean, and I used to always want to go to the ocean as a child. Yours?"

"Gotta be green. It reminds me a' da' Earth. An' things growin' and becomin' more special and advanced dan ba'fore." ..Did Pup just say something intelligent! ..Wow. That's a first for me.' Seto thought after the canine answered. But, Seto just nodded.

"So what's ya favorite seasin" Puppy asked. Why's he asking all of these somewhat personal questions?'

"I guess it would have to be..." Seto thought for a moment. "Winter. Definitely winter. It has the exterior of icy-ness, but underneath it has spring on the way, where everything blooms and is alive. So, beneath that cold outside there's life and that life is so beautiful for everyone. But, people hate winter because it's too cold, why hate it, when it's a wonderful season. What about you?" Katsuya looked like he just got smacked. His jaw was almost to his knees, and if he wasn't cradling the baby, he would probably have his hands slumped to the floor.

"Um... uh... it's... it's... summer. Yeah, summer." The mutt shook his head slightly as if to clear his thoughts, but looked like a dog shaking off water from it's fur in the process. "Summer, because, it's really bright and cheerful, and even though it seems to not have a deep surface, under it is still all of the hardships winter faced and leading to all of the death autumn offers. So, it has scars, but people always seem to over look them." Just like those bruises on his chest' Seto thought. He's describing himself to summer, like I did to winter.'

"Yes, and winter and summer are exact opposites, but could never survive without the other, fighting it out with one another, and they seem really compatible. And you know what they say, about opposites attracting, funny how it's just like summer and winter." Seto added.

"Yeah. And the same goes wit' blue n' green." Puppy paused. "Like blue representin' da ocean, n' green, representing forests. They fight wit' eachotha' ova control o' da' Earth, but need eachotha' to _coexist_. As Yug' tells me." Did he _have_ to mention shrimpy?' Seto still hadn't gotten over his dislike for Yugi Mutou. It was hard to forgive after you were the supposed best of the world', then some shrimp beats you.

"Yes, now, it's getting late. We'd better go to our rooms. We've got a busy day tomorrow." Seto stated icily, thinking about Yugi. He didn't notice the mutt cringe at his tone.

"Yeah.. um.. who's gonna take the baby?" Seto noticed the quick change of topic. Did I say something wrong? ..Oh well, it's not like I care.'

"Well, I'm a very light sleeper, and if the rumors are true, that you sleep like a twenty-thousand pound rock, I guess it'll spend the night in my room." If only someone else could too.. I did _not_ think that.' Puppy laughed. He still looked beautiful when he laughed, his face was full of color and his eyes sparkled. Stop _thinking_ that! You idiot, he's straight and _not_ your type.'

Seto and Puppy continued to talk until they reached Jonouchi's room.

"So.. Kaiba.." Seto interrupted him.

"Call me Seto." Since when have you let anyone call you your first name besides Mokuba!'

"Ok.. Seto.. So.. We're friends right?" Seto thought about this for a moment, could he be friends with Puppy? Well, anything was possible these days.

"Friends?" Puppy questioned again.

"Friends."

* * *

Sesshomarusmisery: WHOO HOO! Finally! Finished that one! dances Ok, I hope you all enjoy the new and improved Parenting 101 so far, and I hope I haven't deserted all of my old fans, and hope I make some new ones! Chapter 2 should be up in about a day or two, so look forward to that… if anyone does in fact read this. (Mention the word cookies in your review and I'll throw plushies at you) Well, that's about it, don't forget to review! They power my brain!

Flames will be laughed at and fed to my obese cat.


	3. Dream About You

Parenting 101

Sesshomarusmisery

**Disclaimer:** Do I even have to say it? Well, just to crush any of my hopes or dreams here it is. I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! or any song I put up here. There, are you happy, you sick bastard.

**Warning:** This story contains **shounen-ai** (male homosexuality), **yaoi** (guys going at it with other guys), **harsh language** and **violence**. No flaming me, or I will get someone to hunt you down and poke you 'til you're raw and bleeding. If you have issues with any of the topics in **bold**, then click the all mighty "X" in the top right corner of your screen. **In this chapter, we have some lime-y-ness.** You've been warned!

* * *

Sesshomarusmisery: Chapter 2, officially revised and edited… hope y'all enjoy. Just remember… I had 48 other reviews, but, now, down to 6. Oh… this song was inspired by Jason Mraz's "Sleeping to Dream" song.

Answers to reviews: You reviewed, now I respond! Lovely little relationship!

Aseret Kitsune: Thank you so much… yes, I can't make this story glisten in all shiny perfection, unfortunately. Not so talented here with that. I just roll with the punches (AKA good ideas) throws plushies WHOO!

Lesley-chan: Here it is; your next part! Enjoy!

* * *

Key:

"blah" - talking

blah' - individual thoughts

/blah/ - Yugi to Yami mind link

/blah/ - Yami to Yugi mind link

(blah) - Ryou to Bakura mind link

((blah)) - Bakura to Ryou mind link

blah - Malik to Marik mind link

blah - Marik to Malik mind link

* * *

Dream About You

* * *

Seto walked back to his room and got ready to go to bed, the conversation still ringing in his ears. His friend. Jonouchi, Katsuya, the mutt, mongrel, dog, puppy. He stepped into the shower and sighed as the hot spray seemingly washed away all of his stress of that day. As he walked out of the shower, a sudden wave of fatigue washed over him. Too tired to change, he decided to sleep in the nude. Besides, his silk bed sheets felt so nice against his bare skin. He smiled as he placed the baby in the basinet Mokuba had when he was a baby. He remembered his mother placing the little baby they called Mokuba in it and sang a sweet lullaby. He sang the lullaby to the plastic doll, or what he could remember, before he realized he was singing to an inanimate object. He gave a small smile before walking across the room to climb into his king sized bed.

'Wow, has it always been this big?' he thought as he looked around at his bed.

'Oh well, better sleep now so I can get some sleep before the baby starts crying again.'

That night, Seto's body tossed and turned, deep in his dream, completely unaware of the outside world.

_There he was, but this was not his room, the walls were covered with old tapestries, in hieroglyphics, he could now read. He approached one with a picture of someone who looked like Katsuya. He read aloud,_

_"Keiriji Jotusame, Captain of Guards for the Pharaoh, depicted here."_

_He heard some ruffling behind him, and saw Jonouchi. In his bed. Evidentially naked from the waist up. _

_'What the-?' Jonouchi gave a sleepy smile in Seto's direction and said, after a wide yawn,_

_"Are you just going to stand there? Or do I have to get up and bring you back?" Mind racing, Seto did not realize as his feet betrayed him and walked toward the newly risen figure. _

_"Wise choice, Selkhem." Jonouchi said as he reached towards Seto's hands and pulled him onto the bed._

_'Selkhem! What the fuck is going on here!' Seto's thoughts were frantic. 'Must be a wet dream or something, yeah, a wet dream, I wake up, get embarrassed and have to clean my own sheets... but why is Puppy in it?' He felt his head tugged forward, and refocused his eyes to realize his face was mere centimeters from Jonouchi's. _

_"What are you thinking about?" Jonouchi asked._

_"You." Seto answered honestly, even if this was his dream, and he could do whatever he wanted to Jonouchi, or Jotusame, or whoever the hell this person was that looked like the mutt, he wanted to romance him, for Gods know why. Puppy's eyes fluttered a bit, then his face leaned closer and bestowed on Seto his "first kiss". 'This is retarded; I'm dreaming and saying it's my first kiss. Doesn't count!' It was amazing, wonderful, even enlightening, too bad it was only a dream. 'I did not just think that!' The real Jonouchi would never kiss Seto the way this "Jotusame" did. He felt a moist object touch his lower lip and automatically opened his mouth, to feel this person's tongue enter it. It was very different from Hiromi's. Hers was unwanted and made him sick to his stomach, this one made him want more. _

_'I wonder if this is how Jonouchi really kisses.' 'What the fuck, you don't want to know what he really kisses like because you don't like him!' 'Then why am I dreaming about him?' 'Sexual tension.' His mind continued to argue as the kiss continued. Jotusame's mouth was soft, moist and tasted like... he couldn't put his finger on it... wait... sunshine! It tasted like sunshine. 'And you've tasted sunshine before haven't you?' His mind was fighting a losing battle and he needed to surface for air. 'In dreams you don't need to breathe, dumbass.' The kiss broke as Seto panted and looked Jotusame in the eye. They were hazed over with an incomprehensible lust. He heard a loud baby cry,_ waking him from his dream.

His eyes snapped open at the sound of the baby crying. Hearing a loud 'thud' from the room next door to him, he knew the mutt did too. He stood up and went over to the old basinet where it was kept. He picked up the plastic creature and groaned as he got the key from his nightstand. Picking up the child, he jammed the key into it's back, and shut it off. As soon as he walked back to his bed and was about to cover himself, Jonouchi (wearing pajama bottoms) burst through the door, making it hit the wall with a resonating slam. 'There goes my wall.' Seto thought annoyed. It must have dawned on Puppy that the "baby" was taken care of, because he grew sheepish and blushed slightly. He then looked at Seto and blushed a darker shade of red. Seto, realizing his predicament pulled the covers over his lower half and let a little rouge spill across his face.

"I... um... I-I... heard 'da baby cryin'... 'n'... p-panicked." Jonouchi muttered. Seto was desperately trying to not roll his eyes and said.

"It's all right," Seto glanced at the clock, hanging on his wall and continued, "You'd better go back to sleep, it's only 3 in the morning." On hearing this news Puppy seemed to get even more tired than he looked, and yawned.

"Well, I'm bushed. G'nigh' Seto." With another yawn, Katsuya exited, closing the door behind him.

"Night." Seto said to the closed door and slumped back down on the bed, falling asleep quickly.

Seto awoke with a stir for the second time, seeing the sun shining through his open window.

'I didn't open that last night.' He mused. Looking down, he saw he had kicked off his covers in his sleep, exposing him completely. Putting on a pair of sweatpants and T-Shirt that looked brand new, though he had it for several years and a pair of sneakers over his white socks, he walked over to the basinet to start the day with the baby. He looked over the edge of the cradle, and saw no plastic child inside. Logic gone, Kaiba flew from his room and down stairs. He went to the kitchen, which led to the main security system room. Entering the kitchen, he nearly kicked himself, there was Jonouchi, baby in arms, eating a bowl of cereal, his cook, Darlene probably got that for him.

"Mornin' Seto." Jonouchi said between bites of cereal. "What's up?" Seto stood there, baffled.

"How did I not wake up when you came in my room?" 'Am I that oblivious to him! Please don't tell me I'm losing it.' The puppy winked and said,

"It's a trade secret, Seto." That name sounded so beautiful from those lips. 'What the fuck are you thinking, his voice doesn't make your name sound beautiful.' Seto, with an internal battle in his mind, walked forward just like in his dream, but instead of leaning in for a kiss, he extended his arms and asked softly,

"May I hold the baby?" Katsuya lifted the plastic child up to Seto's awaiting arms, and when it was placed there, Seto retracted his arms, and held the infant to his chest. Seto paused and realized he had kicked off the blankets, but _before_ or _after _Jonouchi opened his window and took the baby?

"Um... Jonouchi, when you were in my room, was I still... covered?" He said in a low whisper afraid anyone, even his security systems would pick it up.

"Nah, I only saw your package once." Pup said in a normal voice, completely oblivious to Seto's embarrassment, who flushed bright red. 'Why are you blushing! He's just a pathetic little thing. Why did you become friends with him? He's extremely average, and not your type at all. End it now!'

"Mutt, how about I take care of the stupid baby, while you go try and jerk off to some hookers." The mongrel looked like a bus had hit him, before fury took over his features.

"Wha' de fuck, Kaiba. Ya' got some social issues or sum'in'! First, ya' all nice ta' me, then ya' all back on ya' high 'n' mighty agen." Back to the old Jonouchi he knew and couldn't stand. That'll make it easier for him to conceal whatever so called "emotions" he had for this person.

"Ya' know wut! Ah'll jus' leave. Maybe 'da teacha said we couldn' have joint custa'dy, bu' screw 'dis!" 'No! Don't let him leave!' One voice in his mind was struggling to get to him... and it did.

"I'll save you the effort, I'll leave." He had to get out of there before his façade lifted, and he felt like a total moron, not that he didn't already feel like a total shit. Seto thrust the baby into the mongrel's arms. He walked out of the kitchen, heading for the front door, and called back.

"Back in an hour, don't leave." He opened the door and stepped out.

Seto quietly closed the door behind him and muttered to himself.

"I need to go for a walk, clear my mind somewhat." He always went for walks when the stressfulness of the business, and being a role model for Mokuba, and keeping up with his studies got to be too much for him to swallow. Walking down the long stretch of his driveway he started to argue with himself.

'Finally, you start to show some compassion for _anyone_ besides Mokuba, and what do you do! Fuck it up!' He heard the birds chirping. 'Damn the spring. Too merry.'

'I didn't mean to fuck it up, but there were _no_ emotions between me and him, I might not be straight, but he is and he's not my type!'

'How the hell do you know your type if you've never dated anyone besides that Hiromi slut?' He heard some kids laughing and a loud splash. They were playing in a pool. That's great. Just fucking great.

'I just know. _My_ perfect guy would have to have money, looks, charm, and prestige, an upper class sense of humor, a stunning personality, a decent living for himself and love kids.' He nodded affirming his thoughts.

'What the fuck? You're only seventeen. It's not like you're going to marry the guy. Give it a shot, if you don't like it, fuck it and dump him.'

'But, after that he'll know my weaknesses.' The mansion was coming in sight and he wasn't fuming anymore, but still confused as hell.

'You'll have enough shit on him to do worse if he talks. Think about it. It'll relieve that sexual tension, and no more dreams!' Mind made up he decided as he reached the front door of the mansion again.

He would seduce Jonouchi.

Seto walked into the kitchen, and Jonouchi was where he had left him. With his goal in mind, he walked toward Jonouchi, not noticing the dried tear tracks on his face. Time to get off of his high horse, and do something he'd never done before. Apologize.

"Whaddaya want, Kaiba? More time 'ta degrade me 'n' make me feel like a dumb shit?" The voice was choked and hoarse. Seto felt a wave of guilt pass over him. He placed his hand on Puppy's back, and swung around so he was looking Katsuya in the eye. He heard a small sniff, and decided, against his better judgement and swung his other arm around Jonouchi, pulling him in a close embrace.

Next, was so magical, that none knew the difference, Seto got the stick out of his ass, and Jonouchi admitted he loved him since they had first met, Seto carried him up to his room and they screwed like bunnies for the whole night and lived together happily ever after, the end.

That would have been a better alternative to what actually happened. Instead of admitting complete and total love for Seto, Jonouchi pulled back his right arm, and gave a good right hook to Seto's jaw, making him bite his tongue in the process. Stepping back, Seto tasted a metallic substance in his mouth, telling him his tongue was now bleeding.

"Ya' tink I'm a fuckin' fag!" Jonouchi yelled, making the baby between them cry. Seto silently berated himself. Of course Jonouchi was straight, he'd only assumed. Bad business tactic.

No matter, homosexual or not, it was still in Seto's mind to seduce the mutt. Besides, if it ended up that his actions made the Puppy come out of the closet, it would definitely give his ego a large boost, and if not oh well.

"I was _going_ to apologize Katsuya, but maybe you don't deserve it after all." He said more coldly than he had wanted. Pup looked taken aback, well, this _was_ his first time, and to the mongrel none-the-less, hell has finally frozen over, no wonder his feet felt cold.

"Y-Ya' wa' gonna apola'jize? 'As hell frozin' ova'!" Seto smirked, so, the dog had a sense of humor, even if it was against him. And here he thought Jonouchi's sense of humor was always beneath his.

"Yes, I am. I'm sorry about this morning Jonouchi, I was wrong." Katsuya looked like he was hit by a car and was about to faint. After he picked his jaw up from off the floor, he replied,

"It's about time ya' got that stick outta ya' ass... again." He gave a sheepish smile. "But, jus' 'ta be like you, I ain't gonna accept it. Ya' rich sonnovabitch." Seto smirked and shook his head.

'Well, _that_ was to be expected.' Seto thought

"Well, just to let you know tomorrow, we're going shopping for some new clothes and burning the ones that the baby is wearing, nothing that filthy is allowed in my house." He was about to add "besides you." But decided to drop it in order to hold up their fragile friendship they had just discovered. Seto left Jonouchi where he was, for the second time that day, and went to work on some computer software.

Later that day, after strenuous hours of trying to configure a setting on the new game software, Seto decided to take a snack break, before resuming the tedious task. While in the kitchen, he took a glance at the clock.

'11:30!' He looked out the window and saw the almost midnight darkness surrounding the house. He trudged back to his office room and turned off the light.

He slipped on a pair of blue silk pajamas, with a left-side pocket, cheeks coloring when he remembered this morning and found the baby back in the basinet.

'Puppy must have put it there.' He gave a knowing smirk, before climbing into his bed and turned the lights off.

* * *

Sesshomarusmisery: Whoo! Cranked out another one. Man… I was just surfing through and I've seen a lot of duplicators… just remember… this story is way old. Inspired by my own experience of having a stupid plastic baby (two years ago) and how annoying that thing was. If you don't believe me on the age of this story just search "Parenting 102" but it'll also give a spoiler for you guys! Lots of love! Please review! 


	4. I've Got To Be Honest

Parenting 101

Sesshomarusmisery

**Disclaimer:** :sigh: Do not own. There goes my self-esteem.

**Warning:** This story contains **shounen-ai** (male homosexuality), **yaoi** (guys going at it with other guys), **harsh language** and **violence**. I will simply use flames to warm my little feeties by, so don't even bother. If anything in the bold offends you, please don't continue reading, that's right, it's okay, you're not forced to read this.

:----:

Sesshomarusmisery: Howdy! Back from the grave, apparently. Well, now I'm more inspired to write (I seem to always say that when there's a year between posts… odd. Anywho… lotsa plot development occurs in this chapter! Aren't we all lucky? Don't worry though, Chapter four has been started, I repeat chapter four has been started! Thank you all for waiting so long to receive the third installment of Parenting 101, but I assure you, if it kills me, I will finish this so you all will have something to read. Granted, I may be 80 by the time I finish, but I won't leave people with annoying as hell cliff hangers for all eternity! The song that inspired this chapter is Vertical Horizon's _You're A God_. Side note: I am _so_ sorry this is so late!!

:----:

Key:

"blah" – talking

blah' - individual thoughts

/blah/ - Yugi to Yami mind link

/blah/ - Yami to Yugi mind link

(blah) - Ryou to Bakura mind link

((blah)) - Bakura to Ryou mind link

blah - Malik to Marik mind link

blah - Marik to Malik mind link

:----:

I've Got To Be Honest

:----:

Seto stirred and opened his eyes with a start. Something wasn't right. He looked over toward the basinet and saw that the baby wasn't crying, and wondered what it was that woke him up. He sat up, trying to get a better view of his room to see what was misplaced, his head swam for a few seconds, which felt like a few minutes as he held his head waiting to adjust. He looked up from his opened hand, and realized, 'This isn't my room.' Nearly panicking, he looked down as he heard a moan and saw a lump right next to him. Now, he was panicking, 'Where the fuck am I! I went into my room last night and now I'm in the same bed as someone else! Was I drunk! What the fuck happened!' He felt the other person shift in their sleep and an arm come about and land on his pajama clad lower body, a moan was heard and they stilled.

He flat out screamed, not a masculine yell to show who the alpha male was, but a scream like when a six-year-old sees a spider and wants their Mommy more than anything else. The figure beside him became rigid instantly and the arm about his torso disappeared. He heard some shuffling under the sheets, where the lump was moving, now he wasn't just sitting there watching this whole thing, he had jumped out of the bed as soon as he screamed, grabbed the nearest thing, which was a lamp, ripped the plug out of the socket as he grabbed it and braced himself to hit the person, with a crazed look in his eye he raised the lamp.

Said figure, was now just pulling the sheet over their head and he saw the familiar sloppy blonde hair and lowered the lamp, sure to himself that he had his normal cool façade up. Jonouchi looked up at him with bleary, brown eyes.

"Kaiba… why ya holdin' da lamp?" A note of fear was in his voice, making it a note higher than it was normally. Seto could see the fear in Jonouchi's eyes matching his own worry and concern from before. Realizing what had just happened he dropped the lamp and put a hand over his eyes as his shoulders shook with silent laughter. He felt his hand being lifted away from his eyes and Jonouchi's eyes were the first thing that greeted him. This time, instead of fear, they were laced with concern.

"You al'ight, Kaiba?" Seto, not being able to stop himself, nodded and gave off a small smile, 'Second one in front of a person beside Mokuba and Caitie.' He thought. More formally, Catherine… he hadn't thought about her in years.

_"Seto!" A brown-haired, green-eyed girl ran up to him smiling, he was eight years old and she was seven. They hugged briefly and Seto returned her smile just as vibrantly. They were in the playground where they always met to play. He was still in the adoption center and Mokuba was inside taking a nap. _

_"What are we going to play today?" Caitie asked with a slight lisp, she lost her tooth last week and a gap was in the front of her mouth, where the tooth had been._

"Yes, Jonouchi, I'm perfectly fine. I was laughing at my own stupidity and foolishness. But, now that that brief spell is over, shall we go to breakfast, I guarantee Doris, the cook will want to know what the screaming was about." Seto wanted to get back to his room and brush his hair and teeth as soon as possible. The puppy stopped his train of thought on morning grooming though,

"Two ques'ions, why wa'ya in my room an' where's Mokuba been? I haven' seen him da enti'a time I been hea." Seto inwardly shook his head and sighed. He should have figured he wouldn't get a moment to himself, after this mornings occurrence.

"To tell you the truth, Katsuya, I _don't_ know why I was in your room. I fell asleep in what I _thought_ was my own bed, but woke up here. And, Mokuba, well, he was at his friend's house for the night, I told him he could go last week, not knowing this would be an assignment, though it makes your 'move' a bit easier, don't you think? Mokuba's not running around trying to give you the tour… but he'll be back at around four." And with those words, he left Jonouchi standing in the middle of the room, wearing his plaid boxers.

He opened the double doors of his bedroom and walked in, 'Well, there's a morning I'd like to forget.' He thought as he went into the bathroom and proceeded with the random morning chores of brushing his hair, brushing his teeth, getting dressed and whatnot.

Looking around his room and comparing it to the guest room he was just in, he realized they were shaped almost identically, and as he recalled other guest rooms, remembering hiding in some when his stepfather… no he wouldn't think of that… they all looked the same. It should have come as no shock he would have done this one day. But, the irony of yesterday being that day… well, he wouldn't dwell on that, but he looked around his room once more, securing everything, there was nothing significant here to show it was his room. 'I need to buy something expensive and put it in here… where everyone will trip on it or knock into it.' He thought with a smirk gracing his stoic face. He tugged his blue suit coat down, to adjust it, and walked out. He probably wouldn't buy anything extravagant for his room, but one could always imagine. He had the same dream as he did two nights ago, last night, the one with Jotusame. Luckily it was a different dream than the first one. He remembered it quite vividly, ironic that most people forget their dreams.

_Jonouchi… er… Jotusame was walking down a cold corridor away from him, and rather quickly. 'What happened?' He thought and followed Jotusame. _

_"Stop following me, you shit head, I'm fucking pissed at you, leave me alone." What did he do this time, 'Why is it always in my dreams I'm fucking wrong?' He grabbed Jotusame and pressed him up against the hallway wall. _

_"What did I do wrong?" He said, and for the first time, he realized that he wasn't speaking in his own language, but one that he had never heard before… but oddly, he understood every word. Jotusame squirmed against him, but definitely wasn't going anywhere, proving Seto was stronger, a fact he gloated immensely in._

_"How do you not know what you fucking did wrong! Well, I'll clue you in Selkhem, you were having a little make-out session with the fucking High Mage! I mean, you could have chosen better than __**her**__! I opened your bathroom to find you two trying to swallow one another's tongues, and left, and that's where we are now, you fucker!" He responded without even thinking about it, he kissed the High Mage… who the fuck was that!_

_"Well, obviously, you didn't notice, __**she**__ was coming on to me!" Jotusame obviously didn't believe him. He had to prove himself somehow, but he had no memories of this person._

_"Remember when I had to have my inauguration, and to do that I had to have… intercourse with a High Priestess?" Jotusame nodded sourly, not liking to remember that moment, apparently, "Remember what happened __**after**__ I had to do that?" At that Jotusame laughed, and responded, deep in memory,_

_"Yeah, you threw up your breakfast and dinner for a week. You only ate when I fed you." Jotusame looked at him from his position still on the wall, and smiled, "So, what happened?"_

_"She walked into my room asking for a spell book, which she wasn't authorized to use, I told her so, she asked to use the bathroom, and then said she needed my help with something… why I was so gullible to believe it, I don't know, I walked in and she started kissing me. I was trying to shove her off without hurting her, because she'll go to Yami and complain and warp the story… so you walked in when I was struggling." Not all that believable if you didn't know Selkhem personally. He would probably be throwing up all night. _

_"Should we go to Yami first?" Jotusame asked with a slight hint of mischief in his voice. Seto knew that Jotusame didn't like the High Mage, and to be quite honest he had never liked her much before this whole ordeal… now he simply loathed her. _

_"No… I have a better idea…" He picked Jotusame off of the wall he was pinned against and walked back to his now empty room, smiling when he heard Jotusame's melodic voice say,_

_"I love you."_

Seto walked into the kitchen to see the mutt checking his wallet for money. Ah, yes, they were supposed to go shopping today, and then he was incinerating those horrible school-issue baby clothes. He stared at the tacky smiling elephant on the what _should_ have been white shirt. Now, it was just a grayish color, dirt embedded into it from lack of cleaning and of being in too many people's houses. He grimaced at the thought of how many germs were subsisting on that little shit of a thing.

"Are you ready to go to the store?" Seto asked curtly. Judging from Jonouchi's expression, he had forgotten as Seto did until arriving into the kitchen. Well, due to the fucked up circumstances of this morning, he doubted anyone would remember a trivial detail as going to the store, when you wake up with someone you loathe right next to you.

"Uh… yeah, jus' gimme a minitt." Puppy said as he brushed a hand through his golden locks.

"I'll go tell the driver to start up the limo. You've got five minutes." Seto said, not as icily and stand-offish as he wanted to, but he was fucking getting used to the mutt. He didn't like it, but if he didn't accept it… well, he was scared that wet dream would come back and scare the shit out of him… again.

They arrived at the baby GAP, and looked at each other and walked on to the next store. The idea of two men walking into a store filled with pregnant women or women with small children, and looking at baby clothes together, was just not their idea of time well spent. And they'd get fucking stared at by the over-emotional women. They stopped outside a store called Evermoore which was another baby clothing store, but with a more whimsical and mystical look. Seto looked over to Jonouchi who was already ogling over the tiny little articles of clothing.

"I presume, by the look on your face, you want to go in here." Seto said, almost as a rhetorical question. Still, Jonouchi nodded. Seto sighed and walked in, leaving Jonouchi behind to follow him once he got out of his trance. Seto walked over to a wrack of dresses that looked as though they would fit the doll, which at that moment, decided to cry very loudly in the mutt's arms.

"Could you _please_ shut that thing up quickly?" Seto asked quietly getting slightly embarrassed from the looks he and the puppy were getting from employees and other patrons. But, since Seto never got embarrassed, he assumed it must have been the heat of the store that was making his face feel a little more hot than normal. Jonouchi glared at him as he shoved the key into the back of the baby ceasing the cries immediately.

"Lis'n, Kaiba, I don' take awdah's from no one. We'a both da parents ta dis ting, it ain't jus' ma job ta look ova it. So stop bossin' me aroun'. In fact, why don' you hold onta it fo' a while?" the dog said, with confidence and a certain smoothness. Seto was impressed. He didn't think Katsuya had it in him to show finesse with his heavy accent. He was so flabbergasted that he didn't object when Jonouchi thrust the little doll in his hands and stalked off to look at more clothes in the store. Though, he quickly regained his poise, he didn't say anything more the whole time they were in the mall that could even be misconstrued as insulting.

"Wow, lady, renovate your hair from the twenties to the twenty-first century." Seto muttered low, so that only the puppy could hear. Well, anything that could be misconstrued as insulting about Jonouchi anyway.

"Kaiba, you gotta be nice." Katsuya said between stifled giggles. He was holding the baby again, leaving Seto to carry the bags, something he didn't object to, because the baby's sporadic cries unnerved him almost as much as being on friendly terms with Jonouchi, and having the capabilities… no audacity to actually joke with the person who only just a few days ago he would have rather given a snide remark. That and he'd much rather be carrying safe, secure, non-crying bags, besides, Jonouchi seemed to like to carry the baby and did a much better job of caring for it than Seto could.

They arrived back at the mansion at around 5, well, Seto arrived, Jonouchi burst in the mansion, Seto thought begrudgingly, as if to alert everyone on the premises that he'd arrived back safely from whatever destination that had led him astray. Seto suppressed the feeling to roll his eyes, as a servant dusting the foyer spun around and clutched her heart. The amount of energy that his entrance contained apparently hadn't gone unnoticed. Seconds later, Mokuba was bounding down the staircase to greet the guest whom he considered his friend.

"HiJou!Howareyoudoing?Whattimedidyougethere?Didyougoshopping?Didyougetanythingforme?Doyouwannaplayvideogames?WatchTV?IlearnedthisnewtrickthatalmostgivesBigBrotheraheartattack!Wannasee?" Seto blinked rapidly in awe of the amount of words his younger brother could spew in one breath of air. Puppy, however, didn't seem phased by it at all, (probably used to it with the weekly sugar rushes Seto had witnessed between Katsuya and his friends) and answered accordingly, only slower, which Seto thanked the gods for.

"Hey Mokuba! I'm fine. I got hea yestuhday, about an houh afta school got out. Yeah, we wen' shoppin', but we only got clothes fo' da baby me an' your brotha are uh-pposed ta be takin' care of. I'll play video games an' watch TV wit' you afta we go eat dinna. I'm sho' Doris worked really hard on it, an' I don' tink she'd wan you ta have ta eat it cold. I don' tink your brotha would preciate havin' a heart attack jus' so you can show me a new trick, dough I'm sure, if I could see it, it would be amazin'." Apparently, Jonouchi knew just what to say to please Mokuba to excitedly bounce off to eat dinner. Seto made a mental note to ask Jonouchi what his secret was for calming his little brother down a little bit and cooperating.

Seto walked into the kitchen to check on Doris, who was a plump woman with long wavy brown hair and an equal color of brown to match her eyes, who looked rather busy at the moment.

"Sorry Seto, sweetie, dinner might be running an hour late due to the new girl misplacing the soup bowl." Doris said, she was one of the very few workers he had that he would allow to call him by his first name.

"Should I fire her?" Seto asked, he didn't want Doris being troubled by some new girl with stars in her eyes. Doris needed help, and if the new person that the kitchen staff hired wasn't doing their job right, why should they continue to work there?

"Oh no, Seto, she's a good girl, with a good head on her shoulders, it's just her first day, she'll pick it up quickly and then, watch out! She'll be the new head chef." Doris said with a laugh. Seto knew, however that as long as she was around, Doris was going to be his head chef. He heard Doris continue, "So go on in the living room and take a nap. I'll have a servant go and wake you when dinner's ready." Did she hear his scream this morning? No… Seto reasoned with himself. She knows he works late, and he had a full day today, he probably looks like he needs a nap. He nodded to Doris.

"Thank you, Doris, I'd really appreciate that, and if you want anyone gone from the kitchen staff, please don't hesitate to tell me about it and they will be immediately eradicated." And with that, Seto left the kitchen, walked into the dining room briefly to tell Puppy and Mokuba dinner was to be postponed for another hour, and walked into the living room and promptly fell asleep on the couch.

:----:

Sesshomarusmisery: Well, there's the end of Chapter 3! Don't forget to review, I hope to have Chapter four done in about 2 weeks, give or take! Look out for it!


End file.
